the bars are temples but the pearls ain't free
 
 

megay:

HOW TO PICK UP GIRLS IN 3 EASY STEPS

STEP 1: purposefully bump into girl(make sure you are typing into your calculator while doing this)

STEP 2: say “im sorry. i didnt see you, i was taking inventory of all my lizards”

STEP 3: make sure she sees the number 42069666 on the screen

(Source: teshima--junta)

save-spock-and-roll:

when no one in class is ready for the test

image

trigger-happy-buttmunch:

so there’s a pigeon i used to pass by in my old neighborhood all the time and he was really fat because people would just toss him food and literally he sat in the middle of the sidewalk and people would just step over him, he wouldn’t even flinch. seriously you could sit down next to him and just feed him and he would be chill.
he was there every day and all us locals would affectionately refer to him as ‘lard-ass’

trigger-happy-buttmunch:

so there’s a pigeon i used to pass by in my old neighborhood all the time and he was really fat because people would just toss him food and literally he sat in the middle of the sidewalk and people would just step over him, he wouldn’t even flinch. seriously you could sit down next to him and just feed him and he would be chill.

he was there every day and all us locals would affectionately refer to him as ‘lard-ass’

(Source: hecklord)

58,406 plays

cybercum:

cop: I’m arresting you for impersonating a police officer
me: I’m arresting you for impersonating a police officer

urbanfuck:

urbanfuck:

urbanfuck:

anal sneezes are cute as shit

sorry iphone the word i was looking for was “animal” sneezes better luck next time

image

this is not what i want to be remembered for

kinpunshou:

so this morning i was playing with the slow-mo mode on my phone, hoping to get a majestic vid of a bumblebee taking off
but instead i found this dumbfuck

kinpunshou:

so this morning i was playing with the slow-mo mode on my phone, hoping to get a majestic vid of a bumblebee taking off

but instead i found this dumbfuck

timebeagle:

imaginehanniballecter:

Imagine Hannibal Lector going down a slide and not once breaking eye contact w/ you. 

I’m picturing a spiral slide, so he has to whip his head dramatically to keep eye contact

jesseplnkmvn:

today i was in hot topic with my mom and there was a bra with Simba on it so I asked her “want a lion king bra?” she said “why would i?” so I put it in front of my chest and said “hakuna ma tatas” she had to leave the store she was laughing so hard.

(Source: markkruffalo)

(Source: icarlywolf)

heathers-rivera:

puppy is understandably confused about everything in life

manual:

Your body is 65% water and I’m thirsty

(Source: intractably)

spudsexuall:

It’s so fucking weird how girls can just tell when our periods start. Like the exact fucking moment. You’re just sitting in bed or standing in line for groceries and your face does that thing kind of like in That’s so Raven when Raven gets a vision

orchid-breath:

124:

there isnt a single part of this vine i dont like

oH mYGOD

(Source: weloveshortvideos.com)